As you know, I really think being happy doesn't have to be difficult or involve a lot of money!
The new field of "positive psychology"--the scientific study of optimal behavior, of people at their best -- is leading the way in our understanding of this.
Two days ago, I reprinted an article ("Relationships--Getting It Right") from the email newsletter "Coaching Toward Happiness". It's the premier newsletter in positive psychology and coaching with 131,000 readers around the world, and one I'd strongly recommend you check out at www.coachingtowardhappiness.com.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Donate bears, buttons and educational toys
Phoenix Aid is a small UK based charity, who currently provides therapeutic support and fully certificated complementary therapy training to people in Bosnia; they have already initiated a Riding for the Disabled scheme and provide training in horse based therapy, Equine Facilitated Learning; they establish projects that will generate employment opportunities, also community development in rural areas.
Phoenix Aid volunteers are looking for unwanted teddy bears and buttons of all shapes, sizes and colours to create therapeutic bears (‘Berty Button Bears’) for children. They are planning to take them to Bosnia on their next trip in November.
They are also looking for donations of educational toys, art and craft materials, and a variety of other items. Learn more about the work of this charity: http://www.phoenix-aid.org/
Phoenix Aid volunteers are looking for unwanted teddy bears and buttons of all shapes, sizes and colours to create therapeutic bears (‘Berty Button Bears’) for children. They are planning to take them to Bosnia on their next trip in November.
They are also looking for donations of educational toys, art and craft materials, and a variety of other items. Learn more about the work of this charity: http://www.phoenix-aid.org/
School Problems
With children going back to school or starting school for the first time the Indigo essences come into their own.
These are essences made specifically with children in mind, and have been well received by both children and adults.
We stock some of the range in our online shop.
How about:
Champion – for when you feel bothered by bullies
Shine – for when you feel afraid to be the star you really are
Confidence – for when you feel nervy and panicky
We also have an Indigo Essence gift – a fairly-traded drawstring bag with 3 Indigo essences.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Relationships - Getting it right
I like this info that came in from Ben Dean at www.coachingtowardshappiness.com:
Perhaps you’ve heard the now-famous quote, “Will you be there for me when things go right?”
This powerful question stems from Dr. Gable’s research into the positive psychology of love and marriage. She does not focus on troubled marriages. She studies how to make good marriages great. She been interested in how one partner responds to the other’s good news.
It sounds absurdly simple but it’s not: your response to good news affects your relationships. More specifically, the way you respond when someone in your life (loved one, acquaintance, friend, even a colleague) shares a positive event shapes the quality of your relationship with that person.
According to Shelly, how you respond to another person’s good fortune can be divided into these four categories:
Active/Constructive: enthusiastically, showing genuine concern about the good event
Passive/Constructive: silently supportive, displaying subdued happiness
Active/Destructive: critically, pointing out negative aspects and possibilities
Passive/Destructive: indifferently, failing to show any interest
For example, a close friend calls to tell you she’s been asked to teach a course at the University of Chicago. You can respond:
“Wow, congratulations!! You’ve so earned this! You’ll be great!” (Active/Constructive)
“That’s nice.” (Passive/Constructive)
“But that’s in a really bad neighborhood?” Or much worse, “Honey, I’m sorry, but you’re not going to be able to handle it.” (Active/Destructive)
“Did you hear who got voted off American Idol last night?” (Passive/Destructive)
To read Marty (Seligman’s) discussion of this construct, click here.
As he writes in the article, Shelly calls the first category "Capitalizing," amplifying the pleasure of the good situation and contributing to an upward spiral of positive emotion.
Capitalizing turns out to be a key to strong relationships.
Even though we understand its importance, many of us find it’s very easy not to remember to capitalize with our children or spouses when we’re distracted. And it is particularly likely to happen with colleagues.
Since I learned about her work, I’ve realized that I often unknowingly fail to respond in an active constructive manner.
Here’s what I do to get back on track when I realize I’ve gotten derailed.
Notice the Cues
When you’re interacting with someone, pay attention to the energy in their voice, the speed and richness of their speech, the way their eyes look: all signals for whether or not you’re responding in an active/constructive manner. A rise in energy almost inevitably follows when I respond actively and constructively. When I respond with a passive constructive or a negative, the other person’s voice loses energy.
Create Opportunities to Practice
Practice active/constructive responding by starting conversations with invitations like, “What’s new & exciting?” This invites them to tell you their good news. And it then gives you practice in responding.
Balance Safety vs. Savoring
When you want to support someone, but you’re legitimately concerned there may be a dangerous side to their good news, show your support first: let them savor the good for a while --- and tell them your concerns later. For example, Susan tells me about a wonderful opportunity she’s just received but I know that she may be missing a dangerous possibility. My first response is still, “What great news! You deserve this. Tell me about it.”
Avoid The Hero Trap
I notice that sometimes I find myself offering unsolicited advice or trying to come up with things they haven’t thought about before. This is a particular trap I can fall into. When I ask myself why, I discover it is almost always for my benefit more than theirs.
There is one friend whom I’ve supported for 20 years. When she tells me great news, I sometimes start to throw in my advice, and her voice’s loss in energy alerts me. I think I do it because I do not want to lose my privileged place as a key supporter. My advice says, “I’m still here. I can still help you.” In other words, it’s become about me, not her. And I quickly try to fix the situation.
Put Them First
If their triumph involves a conflict with an opposing person, don’t show empathy for the other person. (Possibly save it for later.) By definition, this is not affirming for them and will kill their energy every time.
Avoid Subtle Put Downs
Notice the difference between “I can see how this could be exciting for you,” and legitimately being excited about it. Not participating in the excitement is a subtle way of sabotage when you’re feeling threatened. I once had a friend who would respond to my good news with an “I can see this matters a lot to you.” Arrgh.
In general, by paying attention to cues, you can tell when you’re being a deflator (me first) instead of a supporter (relationship first).
Active/constructive responding seems obvious, yet it is so worth paying attention to: I promise you, this is a simple change that will pay big dividends.
Want to hear a perfect example?
In the movie Yours, Mine, and Ours Helen North (Rene Russo) and Frank Beardsley (Dennis Quaid) fall in love (many complications with kids and differing outlooks shortly follow). Then they have a huge fight. While on the outs and unbeknownst to Frank, Helen wins a huge contract with Saks Fifth Avenue, something she'd been pursuing for months.
Later that evening, Frank asks how her day has been. In a monotone, she lists four or five things, ending in the same dull voice with, "and I got the deal with Saks.”
"You did not!” Frank yells. He hugs her, asks her all about it. Then he asks: “And how can I help?”
You cannot have a better example of an active-constructive response than Frank’s. We don’t need to know about Hollywood endings to guess how their relationship turns out.
Perhaps you’ve heard the now-famous quote, “Will you be there for me when things go right?”
This powerful question stems from Dr. Gable’s research into the positive psychology of love and marriage. She does not focus on troubled marriages. She studies how to make good marriages great. She been interested in how one partner responds to the other’s good news.
It sounds absurdly simple but it’s not: your response to good news affects your relationships. More specifically, the way you respond when someone in your life (loved one, acquaintance, friend, even a colleague) shares a positive event shapes the quality of your relationship with that person.
According to Shelly, how you respond to another person’s good fortune can be divided into these four categories:
Active/Constructive: enthusiastically, showing genuine concern about the good event
Passive/Constructive: silently supportive, displaying subdued happiness
Active/Destructive: critically, pointing out negative aspects and possibilities
Passive/Destructive: indifferently, failing to show any interest
For example, a close friend calls to tell you she’s been asked to teach a course at the University of Chicago. You can respond:
“Wow, congratulations!! You’ve so earned this! You’ll be great!” (Active/Constructive)
“That’s nice.” (Passive/Constructive)
“But that’s in a really bad neighborhood?” Or much worse, “Honey, I’m sorry, but you’re not going to be able to handle it.” (Active/Destructive)
“Did you hear who got voted off American Idol last night?” (Passive/Destructive)
To read Marty (Seligman’s) discussion of this construct, click here.
As he writes in the article, Shelly calls the first category "Capitalizing," amplifying the pleasure of the good situation and contributing to an upward spiral of positive emotion.
Capitalizing turns out to be a key to strong relationships.
Even though we understand its importance, many of us find it’s very easy not to remember to capitalize with our children or spouses when we’re distracted. And it is particularly likely to happen with colleagues.
Since I learned about her work, I’ve realized that I often unknowingly fail to respond in an active constructive manner.
Here’s what I do to get back on track when I realize I’ve gotten derailed.
Notice the Cues
When you’re interacting with someone, pay attention to the energy in their voice, the speed and richness of their speech, the way their eyes look: all signals for whether or not you’re responding in an active/constructive manner. A rise in energy almost inevitably follows when I respond actively and constructively. When I respond with a passive constructive or a negative, the other person’s voice loses energy.
Create Opportunities to Practice
Practice active/constructive responding by starting conversations with invitations like, “What’s new & exciting?” This invites them to tell you their good news. And it then gives you practice in responding.
Balance Safety vs. Savoring
When you want to support someone, but you’re legitimately concerned there may be a dangerous side to their good news, show your support first: let them savor the good for a while --- and tell them your concerns later. For example, Susan tells me about a wonderful opportunity she’s just received but I know that she may be missing a dangerous possibility. My first response is still, “What great news! You deserve this. Tell me about it.”
Avoid The Hero Trap
I notice that sometimes I find myself offering unsolicited advice or trying to come up with things they haven’t thought about before. This is a particular trap I can fall into. When I ask myself why, I discover it is almost always for my benefit more than theirs.
There is one friend whom I’ve supported for 20 years. When she tells me great news, I sometimes start to throw in my advice, and her voice’s loss in energy alerts me. I think I do it because I do not want to lose my privileged place as a key supporter. My advice says, “I’m still here. I can still help you.” In other words, it’s become about me, not her. And I quickly try to fix the situation.
Put Them First
If their triumph involves a conflict with an opposing person, don’t show empathy for the other person. (Possibly save it for later.) By definition, this is not affirming for them and will kill their energy every time.
Avoid Subtle Put Downs
Notice the difference between “I can see how this could be exciting for you,” and legitimately being excited about it. Not participating in the excitement is a subtle way of sabotage when you’re feeling threatened. I once had a friend who would respond to my good news with an “I can see this matters a lot to you.” Arrgh.
In general, by paying attention to cues, you can tell when you’re being a deflator (me first) instead of a supporter (relationship first).
Active/constructive responding seems obvious, yet it is so worth paying attention to: I promise you, this is a simple change that will pay big dividends.
Want to hear a perfect example?
In the movie Yours, Mine, and Ours Helen North (Rene Russo) and Frank Beardsley (Dennis Quaid) fall in love (many complications with kids and differing outlooks shortly follow). Then they have a huge fight. While on the outs and unbeknownst to Frank, Helen wins a huge contract with Saks Fifth Avenue, something she'd been pursuing for months.
Later that evening, Frank asks how her day has been. In a monotone, she lists four or five things, ending in the same dull voice with, "and I got the deal with Saks.”
"You did not!” Frank yells. He hugs her, asks her all about it. Then he asks: “And how can I help?”
You cannot have a better example of an active-constructive response than Frank’s. We don’t need to know about Hollywood endings to guess how their relationship turns out.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Water Charities
Last weekend I spoke at the British Dowsers annual congress. It was a really well organised conference with over 140 delegates. I had lots of interesting informal discussions with people and also many good questions in response to my presentation.
There was an interesting presentation by Village Water, a charity set up by dowsers to help provide water and sanitation to some villages in Zambia. The charity has very low overheads as the work in this country (UK) is done by volunteers. I gave them a donation and hope to be able to help them more in the future too.
Water is such an imporant thing - if people don't have access to clean water and good sanitation, the death rate amoung children is high and women spend a lot of their day collecting water. Water charites aren't glamorous - they don't have pictures of starving children or poor injured animals, but it is a fundamental human right and vital to everyone's health and well being.
Earlier this year I did a bike ride in Africa raising money for WaterAid. Tom, my son, and I set ourselves the task of raising GB Pounds 5000 and we've now done it - thank you to everyone who contributed.
There was an interesting presentation by Village Water, a charity set up by dowsers to help provide water and sanitation to some villages in Zambia. The charity has very low overheads as the work in this country (UK) is done by volunteers. I gave them a donation and hope to be able to help them more in the future too.
Water is such an imporant thing - if people don't have access to clean water and good sanitation, the death rate amoung children is high and women spend a lot of their day collecting water. Water charites aren't glamorous - they don't have pictures of starving children or poor injured animals, but it is a fundamental human right and vital to everyone's health and well being.
Earlier this year I did a bike ride in Africa raising money for WaterAid. Tom, my son, and I set ourselves the task of raising GB Pounds 5000 and we've now done it - thank you to everyone who contributed.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Cancer and Complementary Therapies
One of the therapists on our international therapist listing has written a new book on complementary therapies and cancer care. It's so good to see work like this coming out:
Enhancing Cancer CareComplementary therapy and support
Edited by Jennifer Barraclough
Price: £24.95 (Paperback)ISBN-13: 978-0-19-929755-
Provides detailed descriptions of 16 different therapeutic modalities
Includes case histories which illustrate how therapies have been used in practice
Written in an accessible non-technical writing style
Provides sound evidence-based material from an international group of experts
Assists healthcare professionals and managers with planning the integration of complementary therapies with orthodox treatments
Around one in three people in the western world will develop cancer at some stage in life and complementary therapies are increasingly being used alongside orthodox treatments as part of the 'integrative' approach to cancer care.
Enhancing Cancer Care is a practical, evidence-based guide to complementary cancer therapies, also described as natural or holistic therapies.
More and more patients are turning to these therapies as there is now considerable evidence that they can help with symptom-control and quality-of-life, and that some may also extend survival.
Complementary therapies can also provide the patient with a greater sense of control regarding the management of their illness.
From the editor of Integrated Cancer Care , this new title provides detailed commentary on a broad range of complementary therapies and features practical advice on how to implement therapies to enhance current practice.
The first part of the book deals with the general principles behind complementary therapies and the factors driving their growing popularity, the challenges of evaluating their benefits and unwanted effects, and experience of using them in oncology units, hospices, the private sector and primary care.
The second part includes chapters on specific interventions, including complementary therapies such as acupuncture and aromatherapy massage; lifestyle modifications through diet and exercise; creative therapies using art and music; and psychological and spiritual support for individuals and groups. These chapters provide descriptions of the therapies, a summary of the evidence for their benefits in cancer care, and illustrative case histories.
The emphasis throughout this book is on enhancing practice; that is, using the therapies alongside conventional medicine, rather than as alternatives to it.
Contents
1 Principles and settings 1. Introducing the holistic approach to cancer care , Jennifer Barraclough
2. Evaluating complementary therapies , Janet Richardson and Karen Pilkington
3. The oncology setting , Teresa E Young
4. The hospice setting , Nigel A Hartley
5. The work of an independent cancer help centre , Sara R Miller and Ruth Sewell
6. Childhood cancer , Elena J Ladas and Kara M Kelly
7. Choice and co-ordination of therapies: the family doctor as guide , Catherine Zollman 2 ABC of therapies
8. Acupuncture , Beverley de Valois 9. Aromatherapy , Jacqui Stringer
10. Art therapy , Paola Luzzatto and Bonnie Gabriel
11. Bach Flower Remedies , Jennifer Barraclough
12. Counselling: distress, transitions and relationships , James Brennan
13. Exercise , Margaret L McNeely and Kerry S Courneya
14. Group support , Barbara Lubrano di Ciccone, Tiffany D Floyd and David W Kissane
15. Healing , Diane O'Connell
16. Herbal medicine , Doreen Oneschuk, Jawaid Younus and Heather Boon 17. Homeopathy , Elizabeth A Thompson
18. Massage , Jacqui Stringer and Peter A Mackereth
19. Music therapy , Joanne V Loewy
20. Nutrition , Elizabeth Butler
21. Reflexology , Peter A Mackereth and Clive S O'Hara
22. Relaxation, visualisation and hypnotherapy , Leslie G Walker, Donald M Sharp, Andrew A Walker and Mary B Walker
23. The spiritual dimension , Alastair J Cunningham and Claire VI Edmonds
Edited by Jennifer Barraclough, Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner, Auckland, New Zealand; former Consultant in Psychological Medicine, Oxford Radcliffe Hospital NHS Trust, United Kingdom
Enhancing Cancer CareComplementary therapy and support
Edited by Jennifer Barraclough
Price: £24.95 (Paperback)ISBN-13: 978-0-19-929755-
Provides detailed descriptions of 16 different therapeutic modalities
Includes case histories which illustrate how therapies have been used in practice
Written in an accessible non-technical writing style
Provides sound evidence-based material from an international group of experts
Assists healthcare professionals and managers with planning the integration of complementary therapies with orthodox treatments
Around one in three people in the western world will develop cancer at some stage in life and complementary therapies are increasingly being used alongside orthodox treatments as part of the 'integrative' approach to cancer care.
Enhancing Cancer Care is a practical, evidence-based guide to complementary cancer therapies, also described as natural or holistic therapies.
More and more patients are turning to these therapies as there is now considerable evidence that they can help with symptom-control and quality-of-life, and that some may also extend survival.
Complementary therapies can also provide the patient with a greater sense of control regarding the management of their illness.
From the editor of Integrated Cancer Care , this new title provides detailed commentary on a broad range of complementary therapies and features practical advice on how to implement therapies to enhance current practice.
The first part of the book deals with the general principles behind complementary therapies and the factors driving their growing popularity, the challenges of evaluating their benefits and unwanted effects, and experience of using them in oncology units, hospices, the private sector and primary care.
The second part includes chapters on specific interventions, including complementary therapies such as acupuncture and aromatherapy massage; lifestyle modifications through diet and exercise; creative therapies using art and music; and psychological and spiritual support for individuals and groups. These chapters provide descriptions of the therapies, a summary of the evidence for their benefits in cancer care, and illustrative case histories.
The emphasis throughout this book is on enhancing practice; that is, using the therapies alongside conventional medicine, rather than as alternatives to it.
Contents
1 Principles and settings 1. Introducing the holistic approach to cancer care , Jennifer Barraclough
2. Evaluating complementary therapies , Janet Richardson and Karen Pilkington
3. The oncology setting , Teresa E Young
4. The hospice setting , Nigel A Hartley
5. The work of an independent cancer help centre , Sara R Miller and Ruth Sewell
6. Childhood cancer , Elena J Ladas and Kara M Kelly
7. Choice and co-ordination of therapies: the family doctor as guide , Catherine Zollman 2 ABC of therapies
8. Acupuncture , Beverley de Valois 9. Aromatherapy , Jacqui Stringer
10. Art therapy , Paola Luzzatto and Bonnie Gabriel
11. Bach Flower Remedies , Jennifer Barraclough
12. Counselling: distress, transitions and relationships , James Brennan
13. Exercise , Margaret L McNeely and Kerry S Courneya
14. Group support , Barbara Lubrano di Ciccone, Tiffany D Floyd and David W Kissane
15. Healing , Diane O'Connell
16. Herbal medicine , Doreen Oneschuk, Jawaid Younus and Heather Boon 17. Homeopathy , Elizabeth A Thompson
18. Massage , Jacqui Stringer and Peter A Mackereth
19. Music therapy , Joanne V Loewy
20. Nutrition , Elizabeth Butler
21. Reflexology , Peter A Mackereth and Clive S O'Hara
22. Relaxation, visualisation and hypnotherapy , Leslie G Walker, Donald M Sharp, Andrew A Walker and Mary B Walker
23. The spiritual dimension , Alastair J Cunningham and Claire VI Edmonds
Edited by Jennifer Barraclough, Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner, Auckland, New Zealand; former Consultant in Psychological Medicine, Oxford Radcliffe Hospital NHS Trust, United Kingdom
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